On Caring

It's been one of those weeks, where everything seems to be going wrong. In truth, it feels like every week in the past 19 months fits that bill. One might argue this was the case even before.

I can list the specific events that tipped me off - but in all honesty that would involve some lying. There isn't really a single defining moment where my mood soured. There's this general uneasiness that has hovered in the air, for a while really, and I fear it shows no signs of dissipating. In fact I fear it might get worse.

It's a funny feature of human nature that often the worst feelings come not from any current predicament, but rather from a possible, maybe probable one. This all makes sense evolutionarily, we are designed to anticipate future dangers and think how we might deal with them - the only issue is, evolution didn't prepare us for the current landscape. The very fact that one can doomscroll endlessly, hearing conflicting analyses about conflicting stories that all somehow scare you in different ways is not something that our brains can effectively reason with, leaving this vague hollowness so many of us contend with. Social media is carefully engineered to keep it that way.

This is often regarded as a new problem in our society, but it has existed for centuries. The famous quote of Franklin D. Roosevelt comes to mind, who in his Inaugural address in 1933 remarked "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". This first part is famous, but FDR continues: "nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

The question I find myself wondering is - how can one actually advance? Great speeches arouse a sense of purpose and camaraderie (another infallible human instinct), but when the dust settles you find yourself back where you started. Sure, FDR gave a great speech. Is the Great Depression over?

My purpose here isn't to reason with anyone. I'm not going to convince you that actually everything is rosy and great and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise. I'm not going to try to convince you to be an optimist, even though I used to think of myself as one (when did I stop? why?). I am not going to contend with the naïveté of the youth (on full display at the moment) or the arrogance of the old. I am not reason on different narratives. Instead, I just want to talk. Mostly to myself.

There are multiple easy ways to reason against obsessive paranoia. Perhaps the worst is to deny it, contextualise it, or trick yourself into believing you are wrong. That's bound to backfire and instead just shake your confidence in your own reasoning abilities, creating a whole other monster. No no, there must be a better option.

How about the age old adage - If you can't do something about it, why worry? I view this as an important aspect to keep in mind; but no more than that. As aforementioned, it is human nature to worry, and prepare, and plan, especially for events beyond our control. Denying it, just as before, can instead lead into a loop of nihilism and self indignation. Now I'm by no means against nihilism as a quick plaster to get on with your day - but wounds won't heal unless they're aired out (not my first and not my last cheesy analogy).

So what are our other options? Convincing ourselves that what we're worried about doesn't matter (once again lying to ourselves)? This is especially useless when we can't precisely trace the cause of the distress. No no, our feelings are real, and we're allowed to be feeling them.

Instead I want to advocate for a somewhat primal approach, one that I won't pretend I always engage in (hey - I said I was mostly talking to myself). We flip it on its head, and play a Cartesian trump card and say "I worry therefore I care" - "Je m'inquiète donc je me soucie". Our worry is something beautiful, it is proof that we have something, anything, to care about. Cherish that. Chase that. Follow up on it. Trace out what it is precisely that you care about so much. Why do you care? What feelings does it arouse in you? Are there others that also care about it (it doesn't matter if they're also worried or not)? Hey - like magic, we have FDR's camaraderie back. See how easy that was?

It's amazing how easily one can forget the joys of caring. When we don't let it paralyse us, caring about something is quite cute no?

Now we can get on with our purpose. Once we know we care about something, we can do something. Something small and insignificant, something personal. As we agreed before, we might not be able to do something big. But we are far from impotent. Even just thinking about something we might be able to do goes a long way, and reinforces this joy of caring. I care so much that I'm thinking of things to do. Isn't that cute?

And well all else fails (I received yet another distressing notification in the process of writing this), one should focus on the simple thing. Good food, good friends, good music, good TV, and so on. It probably won't clear your mind; rather, I would be worried if it did! That would show you don't actually care that much. And what's the fun in caring if it's only a little?